What have you been up to for the past year?

Hi.  Where have I been?  I am around.  Just working a full time job as a clinic nurse and mommy.  Lack of free time means no time for myself to blog... that is ok.  Life is more important than the internet.

So since my last update I have been working in Ophthalmology as an advise nurse.  Working in the clinic is different from hospital.  I miss the patient care, crazy patients, my bond with my cancer patients, the RRT/codes.  I don't miss the stress.  Working in the clinic is a different kind of stress.  Call volume is high.  Sometimes it seems like there are no appointments.  It can be stressful trying to figure out what eye problem a patient may have and which provider it should go to: Optometry or Ophthalmology.  Eye anatomy is complex and most people who have an eye/vision problem don't take it lightly and want to be seen ASAP.

There are 3 RNs that work in Ophthalmology.  We book appointments for 3 clinics and sometimes book for neighbor islands.  Couple months after I started, my nurse supervisor retired, one of the RN left, then the former charge nurse got promoted to supervisor.  It got so busy and hectic I felt like it was just me working because the new supervisor was busy doing other department tasks.  I don't know how I made it work, but I did.  I became a stronger, better nurse because I had to learn fast to keep up with calls.  If I was slow, we would get complaints.  If I was not on it and did not follow up with patients, we would get complaints. I did not want any complaints.  It's a good thing I am a fast typer.  I had to learn to listen and type at the same time and move on to the next call.  Sometimes I could take 50-90 calls in a day!

After my former charge nurse got promoted, she started training me to become charge nurse.  We hired 3 other RN and since I am the senior of the department by default I became charge.  It is a new role for me.  I feel like a crazy women juggling with knives and fire. I am still learning.  My biggest headache about this job is reassigning staff assignment.  We are short handed by 2 Ophthalmologist, 1 LPN and 1 ophthalmic assistant.  It is nice to have 3 new RN, I can use them doing procedures or in clinic, but that would mean they are not on the phones.  They are trying their best to keep up.  I am just grateful they are flexible. 

This job is stressful but it works for me now.  I have a normal day shift life and I can spend more time with my family.  Is this the job I will stay till I retire?  I am not sure.  I still think about going back to school and finishing my Master's to become a Clinical Nurse Specialist.  I started before I got pregnant, but I had a hard time juggling night shift work and the online class.  I guess I was not too motivated.  Now with a baby not sure if I could do it... I guess this is not the right time for school.  I would rather focus on my family.  I have a little girl to raise and she is my reason I decided to get a day shift job.

5 years of service

My last week of work and I got my 5 years of service plaque and pin

New Nursing Job

Today I made it official.  I decided to leave my part-time night shift oncology nursing job and take on a new job as a full time day shift clinic nurse.  I will be doing advise nursing in the ophthalmology clinic.

Making this decision was very difficult.  I love working in oncology.  I learned a lot and I love the people I work with.  It has been very emotionally draining to be at work.  Working with really really sick and dying patients was taking a toll on me.  Plus the lack of sleep from working nights.  I wanted to have a normal life.

When my sister who is my sitter for my baby decided to take a full time job, I decided maybe it is time to make the change too.  To be honest I was not sure what I was getting into.  I know I wanted to have a day shift job, but I want sure if I wanted to leave my unit.  I applied to a handful of positions.  I had a callback for 4!!!

I interviewed for 3 positions: clinic, care coordinator/case manager, nurse reviewer.  I finally told my boss about my applications.  She was disappointed to hear I was considering to leave.  I was thinking of staying and waiting for a day shift on my unit to open, but realize I did not want to continue giving chemo and deal with stress and drama.  My biggest reason to leave was for me.  I was thinking about when I was pregnant and how high my blood pressure was from the stress of work and  nights.  I have a family now and if I want to be around for them and have more babies I need to stop working here!!!

I received an offer for all 3 positions.  I was torn to which one I should get!!!  I also got a call back to interview for the breast cancer care coordinator.    I decided not to interview at this time.  I examined the pro and cons of each jobs and decided it would be better to take the clinic job.  I would rather deal with traffic because it is farther away from home so that I can I can be on day shift, Monday to Friday, some Saturday on, holidays off, same pay and protected by nursing labor contract with full time benefits for medical dental vacation and sick pay.

It is bittersweet to leave however I am looking forward to the change.  I am looking forward to the new opportunity.

Last Day

Yesterday was my last day working full time night shift. As of next week I will be a part time night shift nurse. I will be able to bid for extra shifts easily if I want so I will not be stepping down due to recent budget, layoffs or lawsuits. I have step down by choice for my sanity and to regain my life back. It has been a great opportunity but definitely hard work being a full time nurse. Working as an oncology nurse is even more of a challenge as it can be incredibly stressful and working at a hospital can be just as stressful as we having many responsibilities to meet. I know I am not perfect. Nurses are humans yet we have so much expectations. I do appreciate my life with all the different nursing and medical experiences and situations I am face with. Cancer is definitely an eye opener. Working with patients with other medical issues also paints a picture of how complicated life could be if you chose an unhealthy path. Yet stress can make a person to be ugly and I think I can honestly say with buying a house, working full time, and going back to school I have finally break and my mental health is at stake. Stress has made me mean :( Dropping my hours has come at a perfect timing. I was able to drop my hours along with 2 other coworkers to accommodate for a new position for one of my cool new nurses. I am worried about my job as a whole since in light of all the other employment/layoff issues at my work I only hope that low seniority nurses will not be affected or we lose the hospital as a whole. I have 3 years of experience so I hope if they let anyone go it will be the guys who were recently hired. I have been looking for another job. But the thing is I don't want to work 2 jobs. I think one is enough and ultimately in the end I am sure I can make it work with one job as long as I maintain a good budget and control expenses and spending. I don't wanna work myself into a hole with 2 jobs and burn out like this again. I seriously rather enjoy my life and of course keep staying healthy!!!

I feel stupid... No your stupid

(crying on May 9 after I got an email)

Can't drop my hours
Can't call in sick
Can't go on vacation

Inconsiderate it's like we don't do good enough why should I care or help out any more... I work my but off. I'm not burnt out. I love my job my patients and my coworkers. I just don't wanna come to work for you.

Talk about losing interest or passion. It's people like you. I understand why the good ones leave and why the current ones are jaded.

They warned me how things are. It's sad how it is the way it is. Mostly because in the end you never really cared about us and how hard we work. We do so much and sometimes it seems it is never enough. We just get scolded like little kids. When we do good we don't get acknowledge for what we do. Happy Nurse's week to us... Nursing is a thankless career that you better love to do or else find another job.

Registered Nurse for 3 years. I may be injured, but I still love what I do.

Life changing... I took my National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses (NCLEX-RN) on a Thursday March 12, 2009.  This is the big test that tells the world that you are safe to practice as a registered nurse.  It was the ultimate test that sums up what you learned in nursing school into 75 or more questions.  You had to pay $200 to register, no refunds.  On test day you are locked in a room for 6 hours with your belonging confiscated, friend and family not allowed in, ID copied and picture taken.

I rescheduled this exam 4x because I was so scared.  I read my Kaplan, Mosby, Pearson and Saunders book over and over.  I did so much questions.  I thought I knew the question, then get confuse and doubt myself.  I seek support via allnurses.com.  I was so nervous, scared and paranoid.  I hardly went out.  I stayed home, basically barricading myself in my room studying.  Finally come test day.  I remember going in.  I felt like "Do, or die".  I sucked it up.  I was in there for about 1 hour.  I did each question and answered it to the best that I can.  I thought they were too easy.  Then it made me nervous.  I stopped at 75 questions.  My heart stop.. asystole lol.  Did I pass?  Did I fail?  People around me were still doing their test.  The monitor... did he know?  I left the building feeling numb and somewhat relief that I finally did it.  Now the waiting game.  To find out if I get it or now.  I remember trying to do the Pearson Vue Trick.  It wouldn't let me register.  Did I pass?  I got a letter on Saturday March 14, 2009 saying I passed.  I was definitely in disbelief.  I really passed?  I quickly mailed my license fee to The State of Hawaii.  I was then issued my license effective March 18, 2009 saying go ahead nurse, find a job and work.

I am bless to have work so hard and be where I am today.  No one can take away my education and my accomplishment of being a nurse.  This is truly a life accomplishment.  Even after getting hurt last year, I love my job and look forward to working with my the patients and my co-workers at Hawaii Thrive (In regards to HIPAA/safety/privacy/confidentiality I will not mention where I will be working.  Thanks for your understanding).

Finally going back to work

Yay I am cleared to go back to work full duty. Tonight will be my first day back since 2011 ;). Kind of nervous... And tomorrow I have a my first session of prescribed massage therapy, so I am looking forward to it especially since it will be after work too.

I also got my hair colored.  Its a little bit lighter, but its a new year, why not.

Prior to coloing

Just colored

Happy New Year

Yea sucks I got hurt on December 30, 2011 after lifting a patient who fell out of bed... I had 4 other people come to assist me. We tried to use the mechanical lift, but it was not working. So we used a red thermal blanket and when he was back in bed, somehow he landed on me and I fell back, twisted my left shoulder and back, so DX: Left shoulder rotator cuff syndrome and lumbar sprain. I was given Moltrin 800mg for pain, but it makes me too nauseous even with food.  Solonpas works most of the time...

Celebrating Nursing

Thank you people for remembering me and my accomplishments...

full time night shift RN

so i started working full time night shift as a oncology nurse.  please keep in mind this is not what i thought i wanted to do when i went into nursing.  i got this job just to get my foot in the door and get experience.  i never thought i would actually enjoy doing this.  ive learned so much in the short amount of time working as a nurse.  so much more to still learn.  this job gives me confidence in me, my profession and what i believe in.  its been a rough road.  being a nurse is not easy and being an oncology nurse is just as hard too.

battle the disease.  fight off the sickness.  keep your heart and mind strong!!!  your a survivor!!!

i started giving chemo in october of 2010. trust me i was frighten.  to think "OMG im frying my eggs!!!'  but then i look at my patients.  to see what my patients go through.  giving up so much... to survive.  i am sacrificing myself for them... so they can live.  i am doing so much for them.  does it matter if they appreciate it or not... yea no i dunno, but in the end i know i have made a difference in their life and i hope that one day they will know.

you got skills

im still a newby nurse.  and i think i wouldnt enjoy my job if i wasnt working with a great set of nurses on night shift.  they inspire me to be better and work harder.  it is because of them that i enjoy my job so much.

i wanna give mad props to my 2 east Hawaii Thrive crew, especially the night shift crew: Betty, Sandy, Joanne, Dale, Rita, Malia, MJ and Kathy.  you guys are wonderful nurses and it is an honor to work with you guys everytime =D also lets not forget the aides cuz you guys are awesome too: Linda and Jorelle. 

so much to know, so much to learn, i wanna know everything. 

i decided learning should not stop at school.  so i started to think how can i be a better nurse.  i decided since i actually enjoy working in oncology maybe i should get specialize.  i never ever thought i wanted to do this... but hey why not?

So I am working on getting my OCN certificate.  This is a national certificate for oncology nurses.  I need to get 1000 hours of giving chemo and 20 CE.  I think I can do it. NO, i know I can do it.

"An oncology nurse candidate must have a deep inner drive to see life in death, to see hope in fear, to see love in hatred. She must be able to see past the disease and look at the person it is occupying—to help pull that person back to health…" - from ONS connect

Rookie nurse of the year

“It is an honor to win Rookie Nurse of the Year for KP Hawaii. I have worked so hard to become a nurse, so I am shocked and happy that my accomplishments are being recognized. Thank you 2 East and 2 West for nominating me!”

a year since I got my RN

I took my NCLEX on March 12, 2009.  Wow cant believe a year went by since I have been a RN.  So much has happened.  I finally picked up a permanent part time position on night shift in the inpatient oncology/med-surg unit.

Being a nurse is super stressful.  I thought I was going to be over with stress. it was stressful to get into nursing school.  Stressful to be in nursing school with the studying, taking test, pre-care work-up, waking up for clinical.  Then there is studying for the NCLEX RN just so I could past the first time around.  I don't ever want to go through that stress again, but never realized there would be more stress ahead.  Stress to get a job, stress for the interview.  stress for HR/completing requirements.  stress during orientation and orientation.  Stress to get along with the new hospital, unit, coworkers and MD.  then of course stress with the patients. 

i pretty much held it together for first 6 months of being a RN on the floor.  i work on med-surg and oncology unit.  this was definitely not my first pick on where i wanted to start off as a nurse, but it a start.  kind of hard to be picky in the way the economy is.  i got lucky trying to find a job.  im grateful to have a job.  anyways where i work at is great.  it was such a great learning experience for me with supportive nurses and MD on the floors.  i could not ask for anything better right now.  now that i think about, im glad i started here cuz ive learned a lot and im still learning!!!

ok its hard to talk about nursing and patients since I could be violating HIPAA/privacy.  But as nurses, there is so much shit we got to deal with.  I mean we are responsible for 4-6 lives in a 8-12 hour shift, and if they are sick, we gotta work on their behalf for them to get better.  you gotta deal with a lot of things... MD, orders, lab work [stupid lab yes you are, but at the same time your not cuz you can save me time and waste my time, hahah], crazy vitals, s/s of disease.  I am trying to put it together.  understand everything and doing everything for my patient... like a angel, no like a nurse.

but no one knows how you feel or what you go through unless your a nurse too.  its hard to talk about work with loves one cuz they have no idea what you do or what you had to deal with, ie: death.  death is inevitable.  yes i work on a cancer floor and my patients could die.  die on me, die with another nurse on the floor, die on another unit, die after they leave and die at home.  its sad, and im such a optimistic person.  when i was in nursing school i could never see myself working in oncology cuz i hate it.   i told myself I could never work with dying people.  its to hard to deal with sadness and death.  how do you do it.  must you be numb?

my first death was not too bad.  i felt bad that he died, but at the same time i was grateful that I could make him comfortable.  the second death was hard for me.  this was the first time i really cried.  i was so stressed out.  i felt like no one understood me.  it was hard because i cried almost the whole day.

i guess this is the time for self improvement and reflections.  to assess and analyze my goals.  so of course im gonna focus on being a better nurse.  learn from my mistakes and get better.  i am hard on myself.  its not that im trying to be perfect, because i know im not, but i hate to leave a bad impression or even fail on my coworkers and most of all my patients.

emotions.  how do you improve on dealing with emotions.  there is brownie/chocolate.  that usually makes me feel better.  i had 3 pieces of recess pieces today.  did not make me feel better, i actually felt more bloated.  working out helps.  never realized how good it was to work out after being angry and stressed.  helped a lot then slamming my phone around.  i must avoid that since i have an expensive iphone.  hahah shit, i dunno what im rambling on and on about.  i guess im just bored and need to vent. 

dream job goals

i did not get my dream job, but i can prepare myself now so that when i try to apply for my dream job, I might be a desirable candidate. these are the things i need to do or want to do so when it comes time to apply for that job, i can get it

- doula training to become a certified labor and postpartum doula
- become a family birth educator
- become a lactation consultant
- get my basic fetal monitoring
- get my ACLS and maybe PALS, already got my NRP so I am good.
- join AWHONN
- get my masters in midwifery? im still not sure if i want to do this just yet, but maybe in the future ;)

My current resources are:
http://www.hawaiichildbirthprofessionals.com/index.html
http://www.cappa.net/get-certified.php?labor-doula
http://www.dona.org/develop/birth_cert.php
http://www.icea.org/
http://www.awhonn.org/awhonn/

Original entry from mzjennx myspace.com blog

Featured in our Hospital's Newsletter

With my co-workers

At the Pyxis with my Med-Rite no interrupt sash

i cant believe im saying this... I ♥ med-surg

i always wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. and who knows i may still go into it. but with the way things have gone after i graduated from UH nursing school, i couldnt really be picky with finding a RN job. i had to get just a RN job! i applied so many places. hospital, ltc, agencies. i pretty much gave up looking for a RN job and went for ward clerk and aide just to get my foot in the door.

i am so grateful to have my RN job right now. i surprise myself everyday with what i learn and what i do as a RN. i never ever thought i would go into med-surg because honestly i hated med-surg. but i realize med-surg is so important in developing your skills to be a RN.

most of my training has been on the oncology side of the ward i work at. this side is hella busy. im always on your toes, doing stuff, using my critical thinking from what i learn in nursing school, putting assessment, patho, pharm, med-surg everything together. I am passing meds, giving blood/plt, hanging new bag iv, ivpb, pushing/flushing iv, calling md, assisting to commode/bedpan, getting food for my pt and even changing the bedsheets. i gotta keep charting charting charting and i want to clock out on time but then at the last hour something comes up and then i fall behind. still working on time management. still learning and getting better at it.

i am learning so much everyday about myself and being a nurse. i am grateful i started my nursing career in med-surg. im actually enjoying myself because im on a good floor with lots of learning opportunities and a great staff that are willing to teach. so excited for more ;)

Original entry from mzjennx myspace.com blog

My first week as a RN aka Registered Nurse, or REAL NURSE ;)

So I finally got a Registered Nurse job at Hawaii Thrive (In regards to HIPAA/safety/privacy/confidentiality I will not mention where I will be working.  Thanks for your understanding).  I started work/orientation on June 23, 2009.  I will be starting my new graduate nurse career on a Med-Surg/Oncology/Peritoneal Dialysis floor.  I am so excited, anxious and nervous about this.  I never imagine myself as a med-surg nurse, but with the way the economy is, I wanted to get a job in the hospital first before I decided to specialize in maybe pediatrics or labor and delivery.  Who knows I might like med-surg.

My first week was hospital orientation.  During orientation, I learn more about work for Hawaii Thrive Hospital and how it originates in California.  I was introduced to the insurance and the hospital history.  Then I had computer training for about 3 days before I had orientation on the unit.  My training is very informal.  It is not like a residency program like Versant or something with a strict contract and classroom session, preceptorship/mentor.  I will just get training for 6 to 8 weeks and then I will be let loose to the nursing world.

My first day on the unit I shadowed a nurse.  The second day I did assessments with my nurse preceptor.  Then the rest of the day I went over unit policies and procedures and more orientation training, modules, and video.  The 3rd and 4th day I had my own patients, 3rd day 1 patient and 4th day 2 patients.  I did my own assessments, look up labs, pass meds, talk to doctors, delegated to my nurse aides, teach patients and discharge a patient.  If my nurse preceptor or other nurses had a procedure to do, they would let me do it so I could learn and get signed off on my orientation checklist.  Also since I am now licensed, I had to sign all my orders, meds, and progress notes with RN at the end of my name. Hawaii Thrive was half written and computer charting...

My first week was pretty awesome.  Can't believe I am not a student any more.  I am the "registered" nurse.  I can check the PCA, and blood product with the other RN.  I can pass the meds with the 5 rights of med administration, without the other RN hovering around me. 

I got urine, and blood splash, and a confuse patient all on my in my first week.  The thought of this made me nervous at first because I was no longer the student, but it nice to know that after all the hard work in nursing school and studying for the NCLEX, that I am actually working as a RN now.  It is a good feeling!  A very accomplishing feeling!  I dont really like med-surg, but I think I could learn to enjoy it.  I will enjoy working as a RN= real nurse!

Original entry from mzjennx myspace.com blog

my very own car

I bought a second hand car.  My very own car.  Ok its a BMW.  Its hot... and I definitely deserve it.  I waited until I can pay for it.  Yes I pay for my own car.  I can afford it.

 

Updates: Started working at Marine Corps CDC with preschool children.  I also recently got hired as a ward clerk at S Hospital (In regards to HIPAA/safety/privacy/confidentiality I will not mention where I will be working.  Thanks for your understanding).  Not exactly working as a nurse yet, but at least I am making that money, working hard.  Been looking for RN jobs everywhere so hopefully I can find something soon!!!

Yay, I am a Registered Nurse...

I took my National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses (NCLEX-RN) on a Thursday March 12, 2009 and found out I passed my NCLEX March 14, 2009.  I got my license in the mail March 18, 2009.   I'm super duper happy that everyone from the University of Hawaii at Manoa School of Nursing Fall 2008 class is passing their NCLEX.  maybe just a handful more of kiddies to go and then we got about 100% passing the NCLEX, whoop whoop ;)

I'm suppose to be happy that I am finally a registered nurse, but its hard to be happy because I don't got a job...  I mean what am I suppose to do now that I have my RN license?  Sit and wait?  I'm waiting for a job that seems so far-fetched.  You see my dream job is to be a labor and delivery nurse.  When I knew I wanted to help delivery a baby, bring life into this world, I did not want to stop at full-filling this dream.  I started as a nurse aide in mother baby at Kapiolani Medical Center for Women and Children.  I did my coop/internship in labor and delivery as well.  I just hope and pray that I can get a new-grad position in labor and delivery.  The next program doesn't start till August.  I want to wait for it, but its still March, April is around the corner.  I hate to be bored and just do nothing.

They say sometimes your not going to get your dream job right away.  This one nurse manager said you might have to start elsewhere.  I was kinda pist to here that, but all the recruiters say the same thing too.  I am considering this option as I wait for the new-grad, but its a care home and its not exactly what I want, but it seems to be the only places that is really hiring new-grad RNs now.  All the other hospitals have their "job freeze" and if you want to get in, you should work as an aide or clerk.  It is totally bull sh_t knowing this because I would hate to start as an aide knowing that I am a RN and could do the RN work.  All the other hospitals are being very picky and selecting their own aides and clerks.  There is just too many of us graduating and trying to do be aides or clerks to get their foot into the door and too many of us still trying to get into a new-grad program.  There is another graduating class of nurses coming into the job market... who will be trying to do this too.

I dunno what to do.  It is so depressing right now.

Throwback from Nursing school in 2006

In my nursing school scrubs

Original entry from mzjennx myspace.com blog, re-edit 03/14/2012