Thursday, April 22, 2010

a year since I got my RN

I took my NCLEX on March 12, 2009.  Wow cant believe a year went by since I have been a RN.  So much has happened.  I finally picked up a permanent part time position on night shift in the inpatient oncology/med-surg unit.

Being a nurse is super stressful.  I thought I was going to be over with stress. it was stressful to get into nursing school.  Stressful to be in nursing school with the studying, taking test, pre-care work-up, waking up for clinical.  Then there is studying for the NCLEX RN just so I could past the first time around.  I don't ever want to go through that stress again, but never realized there would be more stress ahead.  Stress to get a job, stress for the interview.  stress for HR/completing requirements.  stress during orientation and orientation.  Stress to get along with the new hospital, unit, coworkers and MD.  then of course stress with the patients. 

i pretty much held it together for first 6 months of being a RN on the floor.  i work on med-surg and oncology unit.  this was definitely not my first pick on where i wanted to start off as a nurse, but it a start.  kind of hard to be picky in the way the economy is.  i got lucky trying to find a job.  im grateful to have a job.  anyways where i work at is great.  it was such a great learning experience for me with supportive nurses and MD on the floors.  i could not ask for anything better right now.  now that i think about, im glad i started here cuz ive learned a lot and im still learning!!!

ok its hard to talk about nursing and patients since I could be violating HIPAA/privacy.  But as nurses, there is so much shit we got to deal with.  I mean we are responsible for 4-6 lives in a 8-12 hour shift, and if they are sick, we gotta work on their behalf for them to get better.  you gotta deal with a lot of things... MD, orders, lab work [stupid lab yes you are, but at the same time your not cuz you can save me time and waste my time, hahah], crazy vitals, s/s of disease.  I am trying to put it together.  understand everything and doing everything for my patient... like a angel, no like a nurse.

but no one knows how you feel or what you go through unless your a nurse too.  its hard to talk about work with loves one cuz they have no idea what you do or what you had to deal with, ie: death.  death is inevitable.  yes i work on a cancer floor and my patients could die.  die on me, die with another nurse on the floor, die on another unit, die after they leave and die at home.  its sad, and im such a optimistic person.  when i was in nursing school i could never see myself working in oncology cuz i hate it.   i told myself I could never work with dying people.  its to hard to deal with sadness and death.  how do you do it.  must you be numb?

my first death was not too bad.  i felt bad that he died, but at the same time i was grateful that I could make him comfortable.  the second death was hard for me.  this was the first time i really cried.  i was so stressed out.  i felt like no one understood me.  it was hard because i cried almost the whole day.

i guess this is the time for self improvement and reflections.  to assess and analyze my goals.  so of course im gonna focus on being a better nurse.  learn from my mistakes and get better.  i am hard on myself.  its not that im trying to be perfect, because i know im not, but i hate to leave a bad impression or even fail on my coworkers and most of all my patients.

emotions.  how do you improve on dealing with emotions.  there is brownie/chocolate.  that usually makes me feel better.  i had 3 pieces of recess pieces today.  did not make me feel better, i actually felt more bloated.  working out helps.  never realized how good it was to work out after being angry and stressed.  helped a lot then slamming my phone around.  i must avoid that since i have an expensive iphone.  hahah shit, i dunno what im rambling on and on about.  i guess im just bored and need to vent. 
Replacing Emoji...

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